I’ll finally be 18 and legal. I have the right to do virtually anything I please with nobody will be able to get in the way of that.

As a college freshman and feeling so young I’m just so lost and confused with my life right now. I don’t really have anybody to talk about it with so I keep to myself but it really sucks to be in the position I’m in. I don’t wish for any sympathy because honestly there are so many more people out there that have so much less than I have. Not having a set schedule of how my days have to go like they did in high school really leaves a lot of free time that I’m still not certain on how to utilize. I’ve recently filled up my time with school and I think I’ll pretty much keep that up into next semester and the rest of my time in community college. I understand there’s parties and everything but to be honest nobody hits me up to go to any. For a person who had so many “friends” back in high school it sure is lonely now. I don’t really care though, I mean I’m in community college, I feel like I need to earn the right to party by getting my education and transferring to a legit university.

All I wish I had at this point was just appreciation for what I have in my life and somebody special to share things with. I have so much in my life and always had plenty, I just never knew how exactly to appreciate things. I always took for granted many things that I was given…I guess that’s the problem, I was always given things. (I’m about to be 18 and jobless. One goal for me is to get a job that I can hold even while spending excessive hours at school making sure I get my education.) Anyways, I also just want a special somebody to share things with, even if it’s just the littlest story of something that happened during my day or just having somebody to talk to.

The problem with today, in my opinion, is that too many people know what they want and don’t have room to accept things other than that. I’m one of those things that can’t be accepted. I’m straight, single and I’ve been trying to better myself but there are no females that can appreciate that. I guess I was just to reckless in my approach to holding friendships with females that now I don’t really have any friends. I have a couple of people I call my bros, but that’s not necessarily enough when you don’t have a single female friend. I had people I called my sisters but where are they now? It’s pretty funny how fast people can forget about you when they don’t see you everyday. I honestly don’t even remember many people anymore, I probably talk to like 1 person a day, sometimes I go through a day not even talking to anybody because nobody cared enough to see how I’m doing. It sucks having to be the one to communicate first because in the end, I’ll get no response or I’ll get a response that makes me feel like I’m bothering them.

I feel so much resentment towards many people now I can’t even believe it. I don’t know who’s my so called friends. Middle finger to everybody who keep telling me they’re here for me but then I never here from them unless they need something or they hear something about me. I don’t know what to think anymore, that’s all my life is now…a big fucking question mark. I just have to get through this tough phase and hopefully work towards a brighter future. I don’t want to be a failure, I CAN’T be. Life is too short and precious, I just wish that on my time here I’d be able to spend some time with other people. I’ll be fine for now I’m not super depressed, just really disappointed.

Hopefully, I feel a little better and have a clearer mind by the time the 10th of November rolls around. Thank you God for everything I’ve been given. God bless those around me and those less fortunate. Also bless those more fortunate because everybody has problems they must persevere through.

(via my private blog)

Just another lonely day to look forward too..